Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
