Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
