I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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