Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
