Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
