Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
