Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
