I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
