How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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