My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she looked like the before picture.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
