I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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