well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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