My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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