In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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