it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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