i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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