This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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