Cold hands, warm shart.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My penis needs a shock collar
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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