So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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