FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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