why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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