just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
