Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
