great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
