So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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