You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
