I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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