final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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