I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
