I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
