I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
