1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
