trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
