According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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