You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
