Don't you send me to vm
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
