He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
