VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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