I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
