Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
