you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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