Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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