She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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