how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
