There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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