You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
