You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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