All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
