are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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