Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
