I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
