Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
