And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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