Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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