were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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