I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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