Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
