Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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