Your mouth is God's brothel.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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